you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
