Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The power of my boobs compel you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize