I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
