Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
