He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
