Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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