you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
