I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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