Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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