return my video game
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
