What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
