please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's rum buckets o'clock
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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