I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
