Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
