Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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