Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
be right there i have to get my cape
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize