I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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