I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
