heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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