ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
