A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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