I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
