Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
