Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
