I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
