you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
