If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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