Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
