You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
