please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
