the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
