I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize