I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
