5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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