so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
