He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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