I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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