The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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