Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
