You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
