when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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