She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
