I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
