last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
