remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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