He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
