he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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