I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
