He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
