the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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