Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
