im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
false alarm, still single
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
