forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
