i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
