A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
