Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
there is glitter all over my balls
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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