The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
