went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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