I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
