and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
