why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
