I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
