oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize