i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You are a genius and a whore.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
