he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
