He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
