dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
