the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
