so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's always time for handjobs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
