My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
