everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
