You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
