Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
