He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
