Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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