At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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