People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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