He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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