1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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